ENIGMAS OF A CLOSED BOOK
by Tarja Azami
Summary: All that Vincent has kept a secret will now be laid down and told to Cloud Strife. Starts as a story, progresses to some form of biography of Vincent’s life. Later LucreciaVincent and NC. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

ENIGMAS OF A CLOSED BOOK

Chapter One

_I always used to think; when I heard girls say 'he broke my heart' they were being over the top. But it's true hearts really do break._

_You start to question everything. You wonder what you did wrong, or did you even do anything wrong? You feel empty and weak. Blown away like ash exposed to wind._

_Every time I hear his name, my heart skips a beat. Whenever I see him I want to run away. When I think of him I get butterflies. So many things left unsaid between us. Why did he abandon me?_

_I really tried to let my guard down. I tried to let him in my life and tell him things I would seldom whisper to myself. I wanted to tell him about Aeris and Sephiroth._

_I guess we are just too different. It must've shocked a lot of people to hear we were together. I don't think they ever thought I would want someone other than Aeris, and neither did I but that's love for you. But I never told him, not once. Maybe that was the very thing he needed to hear._

_I remember how we got together; I play it in my head so many times I don't think I can ever forget. It comforts me and upsets me at the same time. I love him and I hate him and if you don't know how that feels I envy you._

_The whole week had been criminally cold, so everyone had stayed inside, lounging and moaning in the rooms. Vincent had been in a bad mood all week, so I kept trying to cheer him up. On this particular day his mood seemed to have got even worse._

_He spent most of the day in his room, only coming down to eat. I couldn't take it anymore so I went upstairs to talk to him. When I did, I found out his problem was me and he couldn't get me out of his head. It would've blown me off my feet had he not been so frustrated when he told me. I didn't know how to react, so I stood to gather my thoughts. He must've thought I was going to leave and grabbed my wrist. Then he kissed me._

_You could say things grew from there … BUT …_

_Two months. Two whole months since Vincent came. Why?_

Thoughts too confusing to put on paper, Cloud set his pen down and closed the notebook that had served as a diary.

He sighed heavily and crossed his bedroom to put the book on his bedside table.

He sat on his bed and looked around his room. It all reminded him of Vincent. Every time he looked at an area he would remember something they did together.

_That's where we argued about what film was best._

The chair

_That's where Vincent sat when sleep wouldn't claim him. I'd watch him sat there, deep in thought, till I fell asleep._

The huge gothic picture on the wall

_A present from Vincent_

The bed

_Where we made love_

He laid back and curled up on his side. Vincent's scent no longer clung to the sheets. He missed it. It had been an earthy scent, like he'd been outside and the cold had clung to his skin. Half remembered now, but it floated to him in dreams.

He didn't even know where he stood with Vincent. No words of separation had been spoken so technically they were still together. But Vincent had stopped coming round, surely that meant he'd moved on.

_Then again, Vincent is the kind of man who likes to settle things. He would tell me if we weren't together … then why is he keeping me hanging?_

Frustrated and angry, Cloud slammed his fist onto the bed and pushed himself up. He looked around the room once more accusingly, like the walls were hiding something.

_Well I can't stay here, _he thought standing up, _and I'm not going to let him affect me like this._

"You hear that Vincent? There's more to my life than you!" He shouted. Even though no one had heard him, he felt good because he felt like he had a bit of control, no matter how small it was, short lived and a lie.

Vincent _had _been the biggest thing in his life. They'd been together for almost a year, and for a man who'd had so many traumas in his life, he liked having someone around. He wore his heart on his sleeve, he knew that, and had fiercely tried to guard it. But somehow Vincent had broken through his barriers and Cloud found himself loving the mysterious gun man.

He combed his hair and went downstairs to put his trainers on. Silently noting the room needed cleaning, he picked up his bike key and left.

As soon as he hit the road, he realised he didn't have a particular person in mind. He certainly wasn't going to Tifa or Aeris. Both of them would only try to comfort him and he didn't want or need that. They'd be offering him tea every 10 minutes and telling him "If you ever need to talk …" He wanted to be around someone who was down to earth. Someone who didn't involve themselves with other people's problems. Grinning, he turned his bike around and headed to Cid's house.

END CHAPTER


	2. Chapter 2

222ENIGMAS OF A CLOSED BOOK

Chapter Two

Cid's house wasn't much. It was quite small with only one bedroom, but Cid often told everyone he liked his privacy and if he had a bigger house it would involve more cleaning.

Right now, Cid was decorating, courtesy of Tifa and Aeris' relentless talk about colour schemes and first impressions. As Cloud pulled up he saw Cid sat outside smoking. Evidently he'd been painting because his clothes were covered in green paint. Smiling, Cloud got off his bike and approached him.

"You know both Tifa and Aeris hate green."

"Fuck off kid! I've been working my butt of all morning and as soon as you get here you tell me it's shit! Can't please anyone … what ya want?"

Cloud sat next to Cid and started idly playing with a paintbrush that hadn't been used.

"Nothing, I just wanted to see you. Need a hand?" He said gesturing towards the house. "I can help you repaint it … in another colour."

Cid shot him an incredible look and tossed his cigarette away. "Jesus kid gimme a break!" He looked down at himself and burst out laughing. "Guess it can't hurt to do it again! Don't like it anyway."

"Then why'd you use it?" Cloud asked, raising an eyebrow at Cid.

"Well … it was the only colour I had in the shed!"

- - - - - - - - - -

After a trip to town, they decided a neutral colour was best.

Several hours later they'd done most of the room, and were now sat on boxes drinking tea.

"They'd better not have owt to say about this colour." Cid said looking around the room. He put his cup down and went to paint a bit he'd missed.

"They won't, all girls like neutral colours." Cloud assured, taking a drink from his tea "shit! That's hot!"

"Wait till it's cooled down then!" Cid crossed his arms. "Anyone would think I did this solely to impress those two. I mean I know the room needed painting an' all but I think I've been more concerned with what they'd think than what I like. Weird that init?"

"Um yeah it is actually. You do like it though right?"

"Well yeah, it's not that bad … don't care much anyway, a rooms a room to me."

Several minutes of silence passed. Cid would get up every now and then to repaint something. Cloud stood and put his cup in the kitchen. As he stood looking out the window at the garden his thoughts wandered to Vincent. He remembered the time when he and Vincent were lounging on the grass, soaking in the sun. That month had been so hot, and everyone hated the heat. Cloud could tolerate it but he hated how uncomfortable it made him and getting to sleep, nightmare! He turned and went back in the room.

"Cid?"

"Hmmm"

"Has Vincent been here at all?"

Cid turned to face Cloud and sighed. "It that why you came round here?"

"No!" He lied "I was just wondering that's all."

Cid raised an eyebrow questioningly. Cloud tried his best to feign innocence. When Cid was satisfied he said "if you say so kid."

"Well I wanted to ask." He admitted. "But that's not the reason I called round, well it is but … argh! I've been so bored on my own and all this with Vincent is doing my head in. I had hoped he'd said something to you."

"Sorry kid but he hasn't said a thing to me. He hasn't been round her either but I've seen him out and about." Seeing the look on Clouds face he added "he hasn't had anyone with him. It's just him on his own. Look I don't know why you even bother anymore Cloud. You can find someone better, he's being a dick. He didn't –"He grimaced "- doesn't deserve you."

"A lot of people say that to me but it doesn't help. I really liked him Cid. I saw a side to him no one's ever seen. I thought it was all going so well … I can't help but think it's my entire fault."

"Don't dare say that! You tried man! We all know Vincent's arkward but you were patient with him. You did NOTHING wrong."

Cloud rubbed his face with his hands. "Still doesn't make me feel better."

Cid set his paintbrush aside and sat back down next to Cloud.

"You've gotta stop thinking like that Cloud. Tell ya what, do you wanna come out with me now?"

"Where?"

"To Seventh Heaven?"

"Ermm …"

"Come on man! We deserve a break. Especially after doing all this … please."

Smiling Cloud stood "Come on then!"

END CHAPTER


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